Metastasis
by Qoheleth
Summary: It just keeps growing... and growing... and growing...


_Extracted from Godric of Monadh Garbh (later Earl of Gryffindor)'s address to the students at the beginning of the first Hogwarts term, 1 September 912:_

"Attention, Hogwarts students! Before you set about attacking your plates, my colleagues have asked me to say a few words about this school: about its purpose, and about what you may reasonably expect from it…

"It is the opinion of this school's founders that there are four principal areas of knowledge that are necessary if one wishes to be truly considered a witch or a wizard. These are, first, the casting of spells; second, the brewing of potions; third, the changing of forms; and finally, the history of magic as a whole. In the mornings, therefore, directly you have broken your fast, you will proceed to the classroom on the third floor, where I will spend two hours instructing you in the art of Spell-Casting. Directly after this, my comrade Salasar of Bog Uaine will teach you Transfiguration in the fourth-floor classroom, after which you will return to this hall for the mid-day meal. There will then be a History of Magic class with Rowena of Gleann Gorm on the first floor, after which you will have about an hour's worth of leisure before heading to the castle dungeons to learn Potions under the tutelage of Goodwife Helga of Srath Leathann. After this, there will be an evening meal, and then the remaining hours of the day shall be your own, to be used as you see fit.

"Thus shall your lives be organised for five days of the week. On Sundays, of course, all classes shall be suspended, as befitting the sanctity of the day, but I would say a word about Saturdays. It has not escaped our attention that the peoples of this island speak a diverse mixture of tongues; indeed, the only reason that you all understand my speech is because I have cast an elaborate spell upon your ears, which translates my Gaelic words into Norse, or Welsh, or Anglo-Saxon, or whatever your native speech may be. This spell shall remain in effect till the end of your first year, but no longer, for I hold it unwise to leave a man under any spell for too long a time. I and my colleagues, therefore, shall spend every Saturday of your first year instructing you in Latin, so that, when you return to Hogwarts for your second year, you shall all have a common language in which to read, hear, write, and discuss the lore of magic…"

* * *

_Extracted from Quintus MacMurdagh's beginning-of-term address, 1 September 1229:_

"Finally, I would make an announcement. For the past three hundred years, this school has faithfully hewed to the dictum of its Founders that there are four magical disciplines necessary to the completed wizard: Transfiguration, Spell-Casting, Potions, and History of Magic. We have diligently inculcated the knowledge of these things into our students, and most of those students have asked no more. Permit me, however, the boldness of suggesting that a minority of those young men and women who leave these hallowed halls at the end of their seven years feel a certain dissatisfaction, as considering that there is a study necessary to the making of a wizard that they have not been offered. They have been taught how to turn men into rats, or thin air into fine wine; they know how to cast blessings and curses along the wind; they can brew fame, bottle glory, or stopper death itself; and the wisdom of Merlin, the feats of Väinämöinen, are to them a living and accessible heritage. All these are good, and necessary, things – but should not a wizard also be able to see beyond the years, to pierce the veil of time and behold the promises and perils of tomorrow, that he may act with wisdom today? Thus, at any rate, I have known my own students to speak – and their speech, I maintain, is just.

"I do not claim to have greater vision than the Hogwarts Four. I do not say that they did not consider this question when they formed their curriculum; I believe that they considered it, and then put it aside, as believing that the art of Divination is a gift granted to a few, not truly a study accessible to all, and therefore not a fit topic for a scholarly discipline – and in this assertion, admittedly, there is much truth. I maintain, however, that it is not ultimately fitting for the greatest of wizarding schools to pass over the subject entirely; and it is therefore my honour and my privilege to institute, hereby and in perpetuity, a Hogwarts class in Divination, which students who have reached their third year shall be at liberty to take up or to pass by, according as they consider themselves fitted by nature to immerse themselves in the arcana of that most enigmatic of magics…"

* * *

_Extracted from Camilla NicConn's beginning-of-term address, 1 September 1349:_

"Students, faculty, reverend clergy: It will come as no surprise to you that we live in sorely afflicted times. You are all familiar with the monster of evil who goes by the name of Macha Sangsauf, and who uses the calamitous plague that is currently sweeping both this island and the Continent as a cover for her own nefarious blood-lust. There is no need for me to catalog this vile woman's crimes: the news of her perverted tortures of Earth-Borns, of her dismembered and mutilated wizards, and of the diabolical invention she calls a Cruciatus Curse, has doubtless reached the ears of every being here.

"Nor would I have you believe that Sangsauf is alone. She is merely the most abandoned of a whole swarm of Dark wizards and witches whom the darkness of our epoch has unleashed, and who will likely threaten the tranquility of our lives for many years to come. It is therefore, I believe, imperative that no student who enters this school leave it again until he is fully equipped to protect himself and his kindred against all the multifarious perversions of magic that evil wizards may devise.

"We need not look far for materials with which to equip ourselves. The study of Spell-Casting deals, to a significant extent, with those spells that provide defenses against curses, jinxes, and the like. Hitherto, however, this aspect of the discipline, perhaps the most important magic that Hogwarts students learn, has usually been overshadowed, even in Spell-Casting classes, by such quotidian matters as the unlocking of doors and the repairing of plates. This is, of course, quite understandable and natural; in such an age as ours, however, it is also intolerable.

"Therefore, beginning this year, the discipline hitherto known as Spell-Casting shall be divided into two separate classes: Charms, which shall deal with the more commonplace and innocuous spells; and Defence against the Dark Arts, which shall focus on precisely what its name implies…"

* * *

_Extracted from Blodeuwedd McGwayne's beginning-of-term address, 1 September 1584:_

"Friends, if I may have your attention: Before I achieved my current position, I was a teacher of Potions at this school for twenty-three years. In that time, I witnessed many students become enraptured with the mysterious science of brews and philtres – but I also witnessed many students become increasingly frustrated with that selfsame science, to the point where several of them, upon graduating from this school, swore that they would never brew another potion as long as they lived. _(Sudden motion from the staff bench.)_ Yes, Professor McClure, I overheard that comment. _(General laughter.)_

"And why, in most cases, was this? Simply because the students were completely unfamiliar with the exotic roots and herbs used in potion-making, so that, by the time I had finished describing the appearances, properties, and safety hazards of the various ingredients involved in the day's potion, they had perhaps a quarter of the original class period left in which to brew that potion – and, therefore, they not unreasonably came to associate potion-making with frantic haste, overwhelming pressure, and (as often as not) slipshod work. You will, I trust, forgive me for believing that the science of Helga Hufflepuff deserves better.

"I have therefore decided to introduce a new class into the Hogwarts curriculum, to be called Herbology. This class shall be a companion to Potions, and shall likewise be mandatory for all students until their sixth year. It shall deal with the natures, characteristics, and uses of all magical plants that grow in Scotland, as well as all foreign plants that the teacher may deem to be of importance…"

* * *

_Extracted from Xerxes Younghusband's beginning-of-term address, 11 September (1 September, Old Style) 1672:_

"Regarding the new professor whom some of you may have observed to be sitting at the staff bench, I do not believe that much explanation is called for. It is frankly absurd that the science of Arithmancy, which, in its sophistication, its certitude, and its potency, surpasseth every other magical discipline known to man, hath for so long been neglected by the foremost wizarding school of Great Britain. The Board of Governors, at my request, has therefore added an optional third-year course in this science, to be taught by that illustrious arithmancer, Pythagoras Tancossin. That is all…"

* * *

_Extracted from Dilys Derwent's beginning-of-term address, 1 September 1753:_

"As most of you know, I was never a teacher at Hogwarts before the Board of Directors requested that I take on the post of Headmistress. I am a Healer by training and temperament, and know very little about the difficulties that beset the students and faculty here. I have therefore had to let my judgment concerning our school's needs be guided by what I observe in classes and hear from the teachers – and one of the principal things I have heard from the teachers, in the twelve years I have served here, is a perpetual lament that the youth of modern-day Britain are so woefully ignorant of the stars, planets, and constellations. Professor Forsyte, our Divination teacher, feels this lack of knowledge particularly keenly, of course, but it also extends to other departments; only the other day Professor Terpin, of Potions, was telling me about the time he assigned students a love potion, to be brewed on a cloudless Friday night under the light of Venus, only to find that half of his class did not know the difference between Venus and Jupiter. He considered this a bad sign concerning their potentialities as magic-workers, and I must say that I agree with him.

"I knew of only one way to rectify it, but I hesitated, at first, to pursue such a path. It seemed remarkably presumptuous to add a new class to the core curriculum; this has only been done twice in our history, and I would not be able to argue, as were NicConn and McGwayne, that I was merely dividing the duties of an established core class. On the other hand, Astronomy can scarcely be said to be optional knowledge for wizards and witches, and surely the Founders would have instituted a class in its lore if they had not been able to assume that any student who entered their halls would already be fully versed therein. I am not able so to assume, and I therefore believe it my duty to institute such a class. It is so done…"

* * *

_Extracted from Haakon Cangie's beginning-of-term address, 1 September 1781:_

"Many of those seated at the staff table with me remember when my predecessor, the estimable Dilys Derwent, added a core class in Astronomy to this school's curriculum, remarking that this was an area of knowledge that the Founders expected their students to know already, and therefore felt no need to inculcate in them. Well, ever since I ascended to the post of Headmaster, it has been in my mind to go further – for surely the Founders also expected their students to be familiar with the ancient and mystic script known as Runic, in which their own language was written, and which was often used in those bygone days as a vehicle for the most potent and significant spells. This also, I believe, is something Hogwarts students should know – although, of course, I can scarcely pretend that it is as essential as the ability to distinguish Venus from Jupiter. The new class in the Study of Ancient Runes that I am hereby instituting shall therefore not be added to the core curriculum, but shall be placed among the optional third-year courses, alongside Divination and Arithmancy…"

* * *

_Extracted from Caoilte Dolittle's beginning-of-term address, 1 September 1840:_

"Let me share with you, students and faculty, the substance of a vision that came to me over the course of the summer holidays. I was sitting in my office early one morning, gazing into my crystal, when the face of Rowena Ravenclaw appeared in the glass before me and said, 'Hesitate no longer, Caoilte! The time has come!'

"It took a great deal of pondering for me to realise what this might mean. Then I remembered that, only the previous evening, I had been speaking to Professor Adley about how sad it was that so few young witches and wizards knew how to handle an owl or a hippogriff properly, and how nice it would be if Hogwarts were to offer a course on the proper treatment of such beasts. I concluded that this was what our illustrious Founder had been referring to, and I determined to add the new course to the curriculum as quickly as possible. It is therefore your privilege, my lucky third years, to be the first group of students ever to have the opportunity of signing up for a Hogwarts class in the Care of Magical Creatures…"

* * *

_Extracted from Ian Blegvad's beginning-of-term address, 1 September 1903:_

"First of all, let me emphasise that I did not get the idea of this course from Salazar Slytherin appearing in my potions cauldron. _(Laughter, in which Headmaster Blegvad joined.)_ Truth be told, it would have been peculiar if I had, since we all know how Slytherin felt about the people he called "Earth-Borns". Not worth ten minutes' study, much less an entire semester's, would have been his view – and I'm afraid that most British wizards have historically tended to agree with him, even as they have denounced his excesses. It is the opinion of myself and the Board of Governors, however, that the lifestyles, habits, and beliefs of Muggles are indeed a fitting topic for a scholastic discipline, and that the new course in Muggle Studies, under the wise and judicious eye of Professor Prometheus Moldu, will be an invaluable tool for the maintenance of cordial relations with the non-magical folk who populate our islands…"

* * *

_Extracted from Albus Dumbledore's beginning-of-term address, 1 September 1962:_

"Also, several of our returning students will be pleased to know that the Saturday Latin classes have been discontinued. Since the young witches and wizards of Britain no longer lack a common language, it seemed somewhat unnecessary to continue providing one – and I'm sure the Founders would join me in saying that, the fewer unnecessary classes we have, the better for everyone..."


End file.
